Transforming "I": Gita & God 31

Why is the resistance to accept the Truth that all that is here and there and everywhere is nothing but God (Vasudeva Sarvam). Exalted souls show symptoms of this realization,seemingly having taken refuge in / merged in God by loosing their existence (I-ness). Why can’t I?

God is everywhere and in everything and everything is in God (Basudeb Sarbam in
Bengali and Vasudeva Sarvam in Sanskrut) is the Truth so easy to
understand and prove. I may have no scientific or intellectual resistance to
accepting this Truth. (I accept the Truth that Cigarette smoking is injurious to health, but I resist any thought or contemplated action to quit smoking. Similarly, I fail to live every moment of my life in accordance with this Truth. Gita says only rare is a person showing symptoms of living this Truth.

The resistance comes from the illusion/ delusion (Maya) that gives birth to ego (‘I’ as distinct from others) and desires and actions to fulfill desires.
Yoga (Karma, Gyan and Bhakti) is the only method to overcome this illusion, says Gita.

But it is so difficult to practice Yoga. Even as I write this, my mind subconsciously says that I am writing, I do not exist in the phenomena of thinking, desiring, acting, enjoying and suffering that is produced by certain operating gunas of the cells in what I call as my body and mind and the gunas (properties) of the cells surrounding my body.

I do not exist and hence I do not think or act and hence I am not writing this out. This composition is destined to take place and has nothing to do
with my belief that I exist or do not exist. I agree. But it is the habit from Childhood that I believe that something in this body named Basudeb Sen thinks, decides and does things
independently and in response to some impulses from the external environment.

This habit is the resistance, this habit is the difficulty. This moment I decide that I have no existence, the next moment I think that I am doing
something. Reason: to give up the illusion of my existence, I am under the illusion that I exist at least to give up the thought I exist. This is the crux of the issue.

An alternative is to imagine “I’ being merged in God Almighty (I am that) and witness the fool in the body called Basudeb Sen thinking that it is doing something and therefore it exists. Even then the thought of ‘I’ still persists as the particular one merged in God. So long as thoughts and actions for anything including giving up ego or desire or anger and/ or in pursuit of being merged with God is identified as
emanating from a particular identified body or force, ‘I’ persists. It is probable that the moment there is no
identified source/ cause/ owner of thoughts or actions; ‘I’ vanishes because all thoughts and actions lose their identitities as well. When boiled rice gets crushed under the teeth, no grain of rice gets distinguished. All identities and distinctions get lost. When water flows along the river or floods submerge lands, individual hydrogen molecules are not distinguishable. Individual atoms or cells do not have names: they are there everywhere but
no distinction, no identity. Electric power lights all homes but no distinction which kWh unit powers which home or which bulb. Neutrinos pass through everything in this Universe but no particular identified neutrino is distinguishable.All this is Vasudeva Sarvam.
I can get lost if all other things also lose their identities. That is only a state or phenomenon: the state of Self Realization - it is not my self realization.
So, I cannot achieve Self-realization by definition. The question of why can’t I practice Vasudeva Sarvam or live a life of equanimity does not arise. It is not what Gita prescribes for me. Gita just says that Yoga may lead to the emergence of such a state of equanimity as a phenomenon associated with the behavior of a living body. I cannot realize the Self: the Self is always in a realized State. A rare body may give expression to or exhibit the symtoms of such Self Realized State where "I' does not exist.

Why should I try to get rid of ‘I’ if the attempt is more or less guaranteed to fail: maybe the quality of 'I' changes in the process and that may be a gain to 'I'. But that is a separate issue.